A Leeds United blog of rantings, match reports and a whole load of weird shit...

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Leeds United Movie Poster Mash-up #7

In tribute to those who made Nick Barmby and Carlton Palmer look like sound investments...

#7 - SUPERBAD                                                                                                            



#8 Coming soon...

Any suggestions for future productions welcome; please contact me via my twitter account.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Hull City 0 Leeds United 0

This is it. This is why we all do it. Why we follow Leeds United. It’s for nights like this.

Exciting European jaunts to capitals of culture like Barcelona, Madrid, Milan and Rome may be the source of great memories, but they don’t validate a supporter’s commitment to the cause in the way that a trip to Hull does. Never mind your Elland Road membership and loyalty schemes; those Whites who venture into Hull and successfully come out the other side should immediately be afforded the highest possible degree of reverence and a badge of honour (and maybe some health checks) as life doesn’t get grimmer.


Hull is an almost unimaginably bleak place; a decaying urban sprawl, riddled with unemployment, teenage pregnancies, heroin addiction, crime and violence; in the air an unmistakable, putrid stench – a cocktail of raw fish, decay and family incest. It’s not so much a place that time forgot, rather somewhere time took one look at and thought “F**k me! Forget it…” before secreting it out of the mischievous gaze of progress. Apparently in recent times, attempts have been made to transform the city; “an extensive programme of economic reconstruction and urban renewal” was undertaken. Sadly the 2008 economic crisis hit the programme, though remnants of its achievements do remain, including a couple of partially glazed bus stops by the City Hall and an Aldi ‘8 till late local’ store in the cultural quarter.

It is not by chance that Hull became the inaugural winner of the Idler ‘Crap Towns’ prize; the place is essentially an amalgamation of everything that makes Huddersfield and Barnsley godforsaken shit holes, with dead fish thrown in on top. Not that the locals think so; happily living in their backwards enclave, they regard all ‘oustiders’ with suspicion and spend their days talking in hushed tones about a magical monochrome rainbow lying on the outskirts of their territory that is believed to lead to magical lands and untold riches – that’s the M62 to you and me.

Still, this a place where Dean Windass is regarded as a deity, rather than a damning indictment of a failing educational system and where Jimmy Bullard was a pin up… so maybe ignorance is bliss!

Arriving early in the city, we took the opportunity to sample the local delicacies and called in at a nearby chippy; the produce itself was gargantuan in scale; the price list clearly stated haddock, though after cutting through a cross section, my geological instincts immediately dated the fish back to the Triassic period – still, it was pretty good!


Then on to the ground; surprisingly for something based in Hull, the KFC Stadium is actually one of the less offensive breed of contemporary stadia, being at least a little less uniform in appearance than horrendous bowls like those in Leicester, Middlesbrough and the like. Still, that’s not accounting for the clientele it attracts - It must be bloody horrible existence for Hull supporters; so depressed are they by their long standing traditional rivalries with clubs like Scunthorpe and Grimsby, and so keen are they to try and validate claims of being a big club, that they’ve desperately tried to concoct something with us…well as the chant goes, “We’re Leeds United, we don’t give a f**k!” – deal with it and f**k off!!

Pre-match was a fairly sedate affair, the first showing of any intent from the Leeds end being the first delightful riposte of “Tigers! Tigers! Rah! Rah! Rah!” in the face local abuse. The pre-match airing of a new wave ‘tin pot anthem™’, Elvis’ ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’, provided a further welcome opportunity for mockery. Oh and one other point of note: why do Hull appear to have a mascot who dresses as a cigarette tab end?


From an early stage it was pretty apparent that Leeds were not going to scale the heights of the weekend. For most of the first half, the home side dictated play and in one particularly troublesome 15 minute spell were creating chances at will. The formation, exciting days earlier, was suddenly baffling in a game where all Leeds’ previous weaknesses emerged as strengths and vice-versa. Lonergan had to be alert from the early stages and pulled off a number of excellent saves; Lees and O’Dea were every bit as solid as could be expected, Brown (again) stood out, as did Becchio. Suddenly the team had a spine, the problems were everywhere else.

Having four forwards on the pitch from the off was always a cause for concern and became even more so as they all wanted to play centrally. Warnock frantically barked instructions and McCormack, Webber and Snoddy held repeated conferences on the pitch to address the situation, but it was never really resolved. By the end of the half, a frustrated Becchio resorted to persistent fouling, at one stage attempting broaden the width of Jack Hobb’s philtrum via an non-invasive surgical procedure, courtesy of his left boot.


That said, Hull were hardly shy on the tackling front; Stuart Atwell perhaps reluctant to wave yellow cards as he thought all breeds of tiger were endangered species. It didn’t stop the dirty twats trying to bring about the premature extinction of the species Michaelus Brownius though. The locals in the South Stand roared their approval. It wasn’t a pretty sight; an isotropic vista of slack-jawed meat heads - many of whom had brought their husbands along in tow – grunting like the enemy front line at Helm’s Deep.


Half-time came as a relief and an opportunity to reorganise. However, the team re-emerged for the kick-off still lining up in the Warnock patented ‘4-2-FFS!’ formation; it was worry, though as the second half passed by, it was evident that the players were getting to grips with it. Other than that, there wasn’t too much to say about the second half; Leeds had plenty of the ball, but repeatedly wasted good crossing opportunities, while Clayton and Snoddy were consistently wasteful or hesitant when something rather more decisive was required – JUST HIT THE F**KING THING!!!

Width continued to be a problem, something which the introduction of Lloyd Sam did little to alleviate – seriously, what is the point in this ‘footballer’? A fella a couple of rows in front me, a fair haired Jonny Vegas type, bawled out the insult: “Sam, I can f**king move quicker than you!!” – I was inclined to believe him.  

When the full-time whistle arrived, it felt as much an act of mercy as another nail in the play-off coffin; still, we always win at Middlesbrough, don’t we?

Sunday, 4 March 2012

Southampton: When a defeat feels like a victory


I wouldn’t consider myself as one of life’s great narcissists by any stretch of the imagination, but like most people, I am prone to the odd bout of inner smugness, and at the moment I’m happily dining out on a small banquet of self-congratulation in the depths of my subconscious. “What’s that waiter? Oh, the bill? Stick it on Mr Warnock’s tab, and include a little something for yourself.”


While I’m a guilty as any Leeds fan of periodically identifying apostles of false promise (Mike Grella, anyone?); I’ve not let a patchy track record to deter my absolute conviction that Warnock is the right man at the right time for Leeds United. Two weeks into his reign and I find myself tiptoeing on the fringes of insufferable git territory, rather than being a misguided bell end (again).

Yesterday’s performance against Southampton delivered everything I had expected from a Neil Warnock team – and a little more, if I’m completely honest – I was looking for an organised back four, a discernible pattern of play with clearly defined roles for those involved, and above anything else, a huge injection of passion and commitment.

As it happened, I witnessed 90 minutes of football from a team that was barely recognisable from the abject collection of individuals who trooped off the pitch at the Ricoh Arena, little over a fortnight ago. Michael Brown and then Aidy White set down early markers for the levels of effort expected, both sprinting back to hurl themselves into challenges in the opening exchanges – for a Leeds supporters, such moments should be the norm, but have been so rare in the last 12 months, that they alone were enough to fire up the sparse crowd out of what seems to have been never-ending comatose state.


The early tempo never relented throughout; Brown suddenly looking like the inspiring ‘old head’ he’d been heralded as, rather than another has been, sleepwalking through his final pay day, Clayton after months of treading water, reminding us that his displays in August and September were something we excitedly witnessed, rather than some fantastical vision lodged in our collective subconscious, and then there was Luciano…after months of sulking, he’s finally foregone his fetish for grass munching and remembered what, when he puts his mind to it, he’s bloody good at – playing the target man.

Where the team did exceed expectations was in just how cohesive and organised a unit they appeared. The transformation after only two weeks on the training ground (compromised by the international break) was startling. While by Adkin’s own admission, Southampton were a long way short of their best, there was a lot to admire in the defensive display, especially considering that due to Bromby’s injury, an early rejig was required for the second consecutive Saturday.

More impressive still was the midfield area, where in addition to Brown and Clayton’s partnership, both White and McCormack acquitted themselves well within the new system. Encouragingly, as the second half progressed, the individuals involved also adapted very well to the changes in personnel; the introduction of Webber and Sam would’ve been as likely to spark confusion as momentum a couple of weeks ago, yesterday the players adapted seamlessly, Snodgrass completing his day in the centre of midfield.

The performance of Webber himself was an unexpected bonus, certainly appearing sharper than we might’ve had reason to expect. With Becchio finally back as the fulcrum of most attacks and rejuvenated by the prospect, there are now at least elements of what fired the Whites to a top 2 position 14 months ago re-emerging… although sadly, it was also a reminder of what the team is missing.


There is no doubt that if Leeds were to perform to such a level, week in, week out, the current squad could make a very credible play-offs push over the course of a season; while I’d suggest there are at least half a dozen stronger sides in the Championship, there is always scope for a well organised, hardworking outfit to sneak a top 6 finish.

However, the club don’t have a full season to play with, only 12 games, and they don’t just have to compete with better teams, they have to outperform all of them – many by a significant degree! From those remaining games, realistically 9 wins are probably needed to secure a play-off berth and many of those fixtures are against the Championship’s stronger sides. If there’s one thing the game illustrated it’s that while commitment and organisation can take you a long way, there are other crucial factors: luck (which you can do little about) and quality that invariably come into play. In situations such as Leeds’ a combination of all four are needed, in abundance.

Southampton are a case in point; they have excellent players in all areas, including the bench – Billy Sharp or Billy Paynter? – and on the basis of the opening day drubbing at St. Mary’s they remain the best footballing side I’ve seen in the division. Today they didn’t show up, but the those assets essential in any successful side remained evident: they defended like their lives depended on it, they enjoyed the luck, and when the opportunity presented itself, they had in Rickie Lambert, the quality to ensure that they capitalised on it.


While nothing can be taken away from Kelvin Davis’ sensational performance, it’s still a concern that on a day when the side couldn’t have possibly given more, Leeds despite coming up against a top side having an ‘off day’ were still unable to score. Yes, luck deserted us, but there were times when, as Warnock alluded, only poor finishing could be blamed. In the closing stages as more and more men were committed further forward, we also found ourselves relying on Connolly and Pugh to deliver from wide positions only to be repeatedly disappointed, and unsurprised, in equal measure. Would Southampton have been so profligate?

At the back too, as churlish as it seems to criticise, both Bromby and especially O’Dea lost concentration and their man on the one occasion they were most needed. While every defender is prone to such lapses, the best are rarely culpable, too many Leeds defenders are regularly found out.

Warnock couldn’t have done more inside 14 days to deliver his side of the bargain and the players couldn’t have responded more admirably. The ovation afforded both at half-time and the final whistle a deserved and striking reflection of the supporters’ recognition of the fact. It’s not often that such a large proportion of the crowd have left Elland Road buzzing on the back of a defeat, but for the first time in a long time, it felt like we were watching a Leeds United side. Warnock’s post-match comments that such a performance represented the least expected, music to the ears.

I can only wish Southampton the best; I hope they do go up – while Nigel Adkin’s men essentially mugged Leeds today, and while their usual classy, flowing brand of football was scarcely evident, their grit and spirit, if nothing else, was to be admired. They also exemplify the fundamental importance of backing the manager to bring in good quality players and build a squad.

I’ve not given up on the play-offs just yet, nor I’m sure – despite his protestations – has Neil Warnock. With the current side though, even if they continue to run through brick walls, I fear we’re going to inevitably come up short. So many games in a division so competitive are decided by the finest of margins, often luck, but also regularly by individual moments of brilliance, whether in the form of a goal preventing tackle, a goal creating assist or a goal scoring finish. Does Leeds United possess individuals capable of such acts? Yes. Do we possess enough of them? I don’t think so, nor evidently does Warnock.

A fortnight into Warnock’s reign and so many things have already changed for the better and the positivity on the terraces stands in stark contrast to the atmosphere that prevailed only 2 home games previously. The one area that has thus far remained a depressing constant has been the failure of the club to attract – the unattached Danny Webber, aside – any of the new manager’s transfer targets. Listening to Warnock’s guarded comments about his long term future, you rather suspect he remains as sceptical about Bates and Harvey as the supporters.

Yet again it’s over to the owner and his lap dog. Just for once, don’t let everyone down, eh?
  

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Leeds United Movie Poster Mash-up #6

In a new 'first', I bring you a 3-part Neil Warnock weekend spectacular...

#6 - Part 1: THE FIGHTER                                                       



Part 2: SCHOOL OF 'NOCK



Part 3: BRING IT ON    

With apologies to Liz for the rather shabby realisation of her inspired concept - I promise the next one will be better...                                 




Suggestions for future productions via my twitter account are welcome (limited LUFC jpeg resources/talent permitting)...

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Warnock Arrives, Hope Returns

Has Bates got the right man? I reckon so...

As a Leeds United supporter, the two and a half weeks that followed the inevitable departure of Simon Grayson have proved nigh on unbearable. Day upon day has been spent, furtively scanning twitter timelines, WACCOE and the Oddschecker website, desperately hunting for concrete clues and news on the next incumbent of the Elland Road hot seat.

Dealing with this process should be a lot easier by now; us supporters are now well versed in these helpless rituals, as the tortuous and spectacularly depressing ‘fruits’ of three consecutive transfer windows stand testament to. It wasn’t though; if anything it was even harder to deal with - the problem being, that we’ve been so conditioned to the underwhelming by our present chairman that a nagging undercurrent of pessimism underlie all speculation.

The announcement that Neil Redfearn was to be given a run of games did little to quell such concerns; it seemed the cheap fix was again the preferred option. When the debacle at Coventry killed any such aspirations, stone dead, the unruffled response by Bates just served to elevate fears further; as every new day passed, so the spectre of a Phil Brown or Paul Ince arriving at Thorp Arch grew larger in our minds.




Finally, on Friday, a first concrete hint that the torment was coming to an end; in the space of a lunch break, Neil Warnock had gone from being on the fringes of the betting at 6/1 to a racing certainty at 1/10. Of course, that wasn’t that – it never is at Leeds – one more night of uncertainty remained. By early Saturday morning though, twitter was awash with stories and one particular photograph of a meeting from the day before. Shortly before 10am, Chris Kamara finally confirmed the news, announcing that Warnock would no longer be on ‘Goals on Sunday’ as he had a new job to attend to.

My twitter timeline that morning was an exemplification of how quickly news spreads on that medium. In the space of minutes, there were over a hundred new entries, about half of which were either tweets or re-tweets of that photograph of Bates, Harvey and Warnock, sat outside a bar in Monaco.  Each entry excitedly accompanied by remarks alluding to the arduous process coming to an end.

Amongst the sea of near indentikit tweets, one stood out above the others. The tweet came from Liz, a girl I consider among my very favourite tweeters, both on account of her ability to transform the most trivial aspects of life into engaging spectacles within the confines of 140 characters, on my timeline, and the high degree of sense she talks with regard to Leeds United, off it. Her reaction simply read:

“Bates + Warnock + Leeds United = The FA shitting themselves!”

The remark brought a smile my face and doubtless did for others too, for we all know that equation had a simple, irrefutable truth about it, and moreover, it reflected something that had been starkly missing at the club for some time.




I for one are delighted to pin my colours to the Neil Warnock mast; I’ve overtly campaigned for his appointment as the next Leeds manager since the day QPR dispensed with his services – indeed early on Saturday morning, one friend was quick to remind me of a semi-drunken pitch I’d made to that effect at a gig, while Grayson was still in charge. As much as I detest Ken Bates, just for once, I find myself having to congratulate him on making a sound football decision.

Now back to that tweet…

Warnock is not a man who’ll win Leeds United many friends; he’s managed to alienate pretty much every section of the football loving public at some stage, and has achieved such notoriety whilst managing a number of fairly inoffensive, nondescript clubs, ones who are regarded with a relative degree of ambivalence on the national stage. Now at a club that’s hated, almost by default, the possibilities appear infinite.


No matter how low Leeds have sunk over the last decade, there have still been opposition supporters, clamouring to mock our predicament – where Portsmouth have attracted sympathy, our decline was soundtracked by the muffled laughter of many, especially those of the ‘armchair’ persuasion who could often be found crawling out of the woodwork for the day in large numbers, especially to proclaim “You’re not famous anymore!”…the irony lost on them.

Even now, with arguably the least competitive, aggressive and physical team in the division, cries of “Dirty Leeds” remain commonplace, although one Middlesbrough supporting mate has recently shifted his stance – in view of the current spate of opposition sendings off, we’ve now been reduced to the label of “cheats”.

As a club, Leeds United are never going to be loved by the neutral, a begrudging respect is the best we can ever hope to achieve. In this club, it’s as if Neil Warnock has found his soul mate; a footballing institution, derided from most quarters, but ultimately at its best when feeding off that hatred and rubbing others up the wrong way.

All of Leeds United’s successes have been built around teams that play at a high-tempo, who spend the 90 minutes in the faces of the opposition, who aren’t afraid to put their foot in… and who, win, lose, or draw, always ensured the other team left the pitch, knowing they’d been in a game. Even David O’Leary’s ‘babies’ - arguably the Leeds side most warmly regarded by neutrals – were built around that philosophy, complementing it with a fantastic brand of attacking football.


High levels of effort and commitment are a given for a good team, and the first demand the Elland Road crowd make of any player – skill and ability is a blessing, but not enough in isolation; supporters want players who are ready to run through brick walls for the team, anyone doubting the value placed on the most basic attributes need only look at the affectionate regard that Andy Hughes is still regarded. Leeds fans demand utter dedication to the cause as minimum, and as they’ve demonstrated on numerous occasions, will not tolerate anything else, much like Warnock.

As Warnock re-instils a competitive edge at Elland Road, no doubt the potential for on the pitch flare ups will increase – although no doubt, an FA shit storm awaits and while El Hadji Diouf was the main propagator, I was still in some perverse way heartened to witness the large scale ruck at the final whistle yesterday; it was as if the players had finally woken from a long, complacency induced coma. With this rediscovered passion, no doubt media scrutiny will intensify and with it a new re-energised wave of Leeds baiting. I for one can’t wait for that moment; although it’s human nature to like to be loved and appreciated, at Leeds it’s a long-held truism that the level of hatred directed towards the club is almost directly proportional to how successful the side is. Moreover, Leeds more than any side can feed off a siege mentality, and in Warnock have no greater exponent.

But it’s not just Warnock’s abrasiveness, his broad shoulders and his love of fighting the fight that makes him the ideal candidate; to reduce him to such a reactionary stereotype would do a man with 7 promotions under his belt a grave disservice.

Warnock has a great record of dragging teams out of a malaise and galvanising them in time frames most of his peers would consider unrealistic; most significantly, he’s achieved that in both of his most recent roles at QPR and Crystal Palace – a true man for a crisis. He’s a man who won’t suffer fools; so many of the performances this season that have been attributable to “slow starts”, a “lack of luck” or plain “disappointing” wouldn’t have been regarded in such a favourable light by Warnock. Neil Redfearn – a dignified if ineffective caretaker – saw fit to praise the players’ “fantastic efforts” during his stint; ask yourself: would Warnock regard those displays similarly?

Crucially, Warnock can organise a side. He can develop a disciplined system of play, where players know their roles, and where any amount of good attacking play isn’t likely to be undermined by repetitive defensive lapses. Furthermore, when things do go wrong, then as long as his players give their all, he’ll back them to the hilt – he’s a man who demands everything, but who in return gives everything back, a man who players will put in a shift for.

Then there’s arguably the most important of all factors, the passion Warnock has for the post of Leeds manager. It’s been long known in local media circles, the high regard our new man has for the club and how he’s longed for the opportunity at some stage to take on the job. A Yorkshireman by birth and having spent long stints of his career in local football circles, he knows all about the Leeds United and has been quick to state that the job represents both the biggest challenge and most prestigious role of his career.


Yesterday alone at Elland Road was proof enough for many of the (few) remaining doubters. Having been appointed on the Friday evening, most managers would be expected to take no more than a watching brief in the stands, but not Warnock. The new man chose to speak to the players both before the game and at half-time, and by his own admission, spent more time on the phone to the dug-out than he’s ever done. While the team started the day playing to Redfearn’s game plan, they finished it clearly under the influence of Warnock’s ideas. Having got used to the sad spectacle of watching Grayson, then Redfearn, stood motionless in the technical area, presiding over matters but barely reacting to them, it was heartening to Warnock so pro-active.

Before the game, Leeds United’s resident gimp, Ben Fry announced that LUTV would be the first place to hear from our new manager when an interview to be filmed on Sunday afternoon would be available for viewing – again, Warnock could not wait that long and within 45 minutes of the full-time whistle he was discussing his thoughts and ideas with Eddie Gray. He was only on air for 5 minutes, but was able to talk more constructively in that time about team affairs than Grayson did in the entirety of his final 12 months; gone was the tired repetition of sound bites, broken promises to tackle recurring difficulties – Groundhog Day, finally banished.

During the interview Warnock didn’t put a foot wrong; he was honest, incisive and upbeat, he also spoke frankly about all the issues – large and small – that have niggled Leeds fans for so long. His first observation was about the lack of leadership on the pitch; the second was about the folly of leaving Snodgrass to play out wide, especially when teams doubled up on him…he then uttered some magical words, about how he wanted to engineer our formation to get Snoddy playing in the hole, immediately acknowledging that our best player should be the fulcrum of all our attacking movements – maybe us supporters are not always crazy to question tactics after all! There were other observations too; finally it seems the day off having 11 men back to defend a corner might be behind us; in the future we’ll not have 3 players hanging back to mark a solitary front man when we attack; it also seems that there are big plans to re-energise Luciano Becchio, including a change in emphasis to bring our midfield closer to our front line – many have questioned the Argentine’s body language this season, but when there’s often no supporting midfielder within 30 yards to pick up his headers or support his hold up play, it must be disheartening.

Warnock concluded his chat by ensuring he got his point across about the support; partisan, aggressive, unrelenting and vociferous, at its best, much like the man himself. He’s been a Leeds enough times to witness Elland Road in full cry and knows that when the ground is bouncing, the atmosphere is almost incomparable – his hunger to be part of that, week in week out was tangible in his voice.

While some will remain who aren’t completely sold on Warnock, I suspect that those numbers will continue to dwindle over the coming weeks. I can understand the wishes of individuals who would’ve liked an Eddie Howe or Brian McDermott type who could’ve maybe moulded the team into the next Swansea, but ultimately, I don’t have the same confidence such an appointment would’ve work. Ken Bates has a long term strategy, a vision, but that only applies in the areas of ground development and the expansion of corporate facilities, on the pitch, regardless of funding, he still expects instant results – evolution, doesn’t sit with his strategy.

Similarly, after so long in the wilderness, I’m not convinced the fans would possess the patience necessary. Fans at every club have high hopes, it’s why they continue to support their club, but hand in hand with those hopes are rather more modest expectations. At Leeds, certainly at Championship level, there is little differentiation between hopes and expectation. To cope with the pressure of the situation the club needs a big man, an experienced man, a man who’s done it before and can live with the pressure. It’s no coincidence that West Ham, a club under comparable pressure, decided to forego their footballing principles in order to go with a ‘sure bet’ in Sam Allardyce – as expected, he’s delivering. Warnock stands as our best bet to deliver in the short-term; the club were never in the market for a Mourinho, but maybe we’ve secured the ‘Smart Price’ equivalent – devoid of Jose’s looks, class, his sophistication and his track record at the highest level, but when operating where money is tight, almost without rival.


The only question marks that remain now are in regard to our own chairman. Two of the key reasons I hoped for Warnock above all others are that he’s a man who’ll fight his corner until the last (a deficiency that I fear ultimately undermined Grayson) and he is of sufficient stature in the game that I could only assume that his arrival would be conditional upon reassurances regarding player investment. Looking back at Bates’ appointments at Leeds, and further back during his Chelsea days, appointing such a character wouldn’t seem to sit easily with our chairman, while promises of squad investment run counter to his claims about trimming this seasons’ playing budget.

So what next; has Bates finally accepted the shortcomings of his excessively frugal policies, alarmed by falling gates and the sudden emergence of LUST as a wholly credible opposition? Is this a signal that, counter to his arguments, credence has been paid to the case being made that the club needs to speculate at least a little to accumulate? Or best of all, after so many years of false promises, is the money coming from elsewhere; after seven long years, Bates has finally found an investor to come on board, or more likely, buy him out? Whatever is the case, the coming weeks promise to be VERY interesting.

The one thing I can say for definite is that yesterday, despite the obvious deficiencies on the pitch and my continued reservations about Bates and Harvey, I left the stadium feeling genuinely optimistic – it’s been a long time.

Over to you Neil…

Friday, 17 February 2012

Peter Lorimer: A Response (in verse)

Even by his own shameful standards, Peter Lorimer plunged to new depths in his YEP column today, staging another character assassination of Simon Grayson and, more remarkably, attempting to absolve himself and his employers of any responsibility for the club's current malaise.

  
Rather than rant incessantly, and under the influence of a bottle of wine, I considered it rather a good idea (at the time) to answer instead through the medium of poetry. Half an hour later...

"But we’ve all taken our share of the criticism. I’ve been criticised, Ken Bates has been criticised and Shaun Harvey’s been criticised. That’s totally out of order because we’ve done b***** all wrong." (Peter Lorimer, 17th February, 2012)



So let’s get this right Pete,
You’re not to blame.
Nor Harvey, nor Bates,
Not one of you shamed

It’s all down to Grayson,
Who got us promoted,
Not down to Ken,
The man you deep throated?

Well let’s look at the evidence to see if you’re right,
Is it the truth or propaganda?
Are you talking shite?


Now first there’s Shaun Harvey
The Chief Exec King,
Been at three clubs,
Led them all to admin,
Admitted culpability for the summer transfer sham,
And yet now Grayson is carrying the can.

Then there’s our Ken,
Should the buck not stop here?
The supporters want him out on his ear,
Yet you remain blind to the entire farce,
Still, it’s hard to see with your head up his arse.

Only £9.5m annually to pay for a squad,
And yet our mediocrity you consider quite odd,
After Brum you fumed that our defence went and fudged it,
Against a man earning a quarter of our entire wage budget

Is Ken’s lack of investors really down to us?
Chanting bad things and causing a fuss.
Or can the reason actually be found,
In nil team investment and the half empty ground?

Or maybe Ken doesn’t want investment at Leeds,
The notoriety of being a twat’s what he needs?
Three credible consortiums dismissed out of hand,
All mention omitted from the match programme.

“Simon had to go!”
We hear the club say.
Another season we can’t throw away
“We need a change now, to give us a chance”
“And where’s this new man?” ask all the fans,
Yet the silence is deafening down at Elland Road,
While Bates eyes the cheap option and gives him a go


Then there’s you Peter,
Not a care for our club,
Just here for cash to subsidise your pub.
Spouting shit weekly in the Evening Post,
“We want promotion!”; that is your boast.
But from your pathetic diatribes it’s easy to see.
You’d fight your mother for her last 50p

How could you ever stoop so low?
The club that made you left to go...
...drifting slowly towards obscurity,
While you feather you own nest – job security?

So now you see Peter,
You’ve got it all wrong,
You’ve shafted the club that’s made you a song.
So why don’t you go back to you pub?
“You 'turncoat' b******d...GET OUT OF OUR CLUB!!”


Thursday, 16 February 2012

Leeds United Movie Poster Mash-up #5

The reason why Ramon's loitering on the fringes of the squad?


#5 - NUNO



('Click' to zoom in). 
Watch out for #6. Coming soon...