Monday 30th April
With the league campaign finally over, as opposed to just being over
as a spectacle (see March), Leeds fans, having spent the weekend rejoicing in
the fact that 9 tormented months, punctuated by broken promises and player
sales are at an end, realise that 16 tormented weeks, punctuated by broken
promises and player sales start right here.
 |
| Wrong shirt, bruv! |
On the back of the least discreet ‘come and get me
campaign’ since Ken Bates’ most recent programme notes about Melvyn Levi, speculation
is inevitably rife that Jermaine Beckford could be set for an emotional return
to Elland Road. Insiders reveal that only a couple of minor obstacles stand in
the way of the move – a transfer fee and his salary. A final decision will be
made when funding for the club’s 16 other departments has been finalised.
On a less positive, rather more realistic note, the fact
that Robert Snodgrass was the last to leave the pitch at full-time, then had
his head bowed during the lap of honour triggers a mass emotional meltdown;
Snoddy’s interview in the YEP where he talks of the decision not being his but
his family’s, already point to our skipper excavating an slick escape route.
Still, at least the decision will be quick one, he plans to discuss the matter
with his family over the ‘coming weeks’.
The term “days not weeks" comes to mind...
Tuesday 1st May
The official site runs a story urging supporters to come
down to Elland Road for the ‘Homecoming of Don’. The club boast that the
unveiling of the Revie statue is to take place on Saturday, especially to
coincide with the 40th anniversary of the famous FA Cup win…and also
the launch of the new home kit.
The Pavilion will also be open, offering a special
celebratory breakfast at just £10 per person; the club neglected to mention
that anyone wanting to take advantage of the offer will also have to pay the
mandatory £3 entrance fee, for which they will receive a voucher that can then
be exchanged for a ‘complimentary’ cup of tea.
Billy’s Bar and Howard’s restaurant are also to open for the
big day. The club announce that Howard’s will be getting into the spirit of
things by offering a 1970’s menu… those that have been there before speculate whether
that will constitute any discernible difference.
 |
| Mercifully released |
With the ‘retention list’ day of reckoning only 24 hours
away, Danny Webber offers hope to the masses by admitting he doesn’t know if he’ll
be offered a new deal. He also reveals how nice it was to end the season with a
goal, even if it was from close range, saying “I’d take 20 of them a season”…
in truth Danny, how about aiming for maybe 5 first?
A chill runs down the spine of every supporter as the
official site run the headline ‘Relieved Gaffer ready to kick on’ as a million
Simon Grayson soundbites come back to haunt them. Mercifully, upon reading the
article, the phrase “kick on” is not once directly attributable to Neil Warnock.
Wednesday 2nd May
The day of the retention list is here and in true Leeds
United style, the retained players are not listed, rather just those who
Warnock intends to cast into the footballing abyss.
Initially the big story is the inclusion of Adam Clayton
amongst the non-entities who’ll seeking employment elsewhere; cue outrage from
the four corners of the Earth. The rumblings quickly recede as a combination of
Warnock’s revelation that Clayton had refused a new contract, and the cold hard
fact that our midfield superstar only justifies the hype for maybe one game in
every four, hit home.
 |
| Not as good as he/we think? |
As the Clayton hysteria dies down, a far more disturbing
story emerges – Danny Pugh is to escape the cull! Cue more indignation and mass
hysteria. Maybe Neil had forgotten all about him? It’s easily done. At least the other Danny had his heart broken.
Of those staying, 6 players are to be offered/are
considering new contracts; not intent on putting Leeds fans through the misery
of the transfer window, the club are really going to town on the contract soap
operas this summer.
Mixed news as the club announces that 7 youngsters have signed professional
contracts; such an influx floods an already bloated squad with more players,
but at least the signing of terms boosts their market value when Chelsea and
Manchester City come sniffing around.
Thursday 3rd May
The club remind everyone again that Billy’s Bar and
Howard’s will be open on Saturday to celebrate the launch of the new kit.
Apparently a statue of some fella will also be unveiled by the magnificent new
Pavilion, which incidentally is the largest conferencing facility of its type,
between Newcastle and Manchester.’ The Don’ would feel truly humbled, I’m sure.
In contrast, speculation about the arrival at Elland Road
of El Hadji Diouf has begun to quieten; Leeds fans on the whole, hope this is a
positive sign, despite the Senegalese striker’s obvious attributes…
 |
| Scouting report in graphical form |
Neil Warnock reveals that although Adam Clayton has been
transfer-listed, the midfielder will be a part of his plans should a suitable
offer not be received. He also warns that although 11 players were listed in
the cull, it may not be easy to move every single one of them on.
Expect a ‘Can’t get rid of the useless f**kers’ list to
be published in August.
Friday 4th May
After what seems to have been weeks of “dotting the i’s
and crossing the t’s”, Jason Pearce is finally confirmed as United’s first
signing of the summer… just in time to promote the new Leeds shirt. After last
summer’s selection of Jonny Howson, Andy O’Brien and Paddy Kisnorbo to promote
the new kits, the fan base takes in a sharp collective intake of breath.
 |
| @jpearcedog87 - a natural leader by twitter ID alone! |
For his part, Pearce expresses his delight at a move to “a
massive club with great facilities”. Plans are also afoot to show our new
centre-back around Thorp Arch and the inside of the stadium in the coming weeks…
Another kind reminder from the club that all fans are
invited to the unveiling of the Don Revie statue tomorrow; and hey, while in
the area, why not have a relaxing drink at Billy’s Bar, or treat yourself to a
meal at the award winning Howard’s restaurant?
In his YEP column, Peter Lorimer reminds supporters that
the club doesn’t have oodles of cash to spend (omitting any reference to court
cases in the process) and admits that last summer’s squad building was a
disaster… weeks after asserting that the squad were more than good enough to
gain promotion. Unrepentant, Lorimer continues to have outrageously high
expectations of managers, saying he believes that you won’t find Warnock “talking
about the play-offs in August – he’ll be aiming for the top two, at least”. It’s
not clear from that remark, whether Lorimer understands that Champions League qualification is an impossibility for a Championship club.
Saturday 5th May
According to the official website, “1000s of fans” turn
out for the unveiling of the Don Revie statue and the day is hailed as a major
success. A collective sigh of relief is tangible at the unveiling as 'The Don' is found not to be wearing a new season Macron rain jacket. Expect the inside track on those all-important catering sales figures
from Howard’s and Billy’s in the chairman’s Wednesday address on Yorkshire
Radio.
 |
| Finally, a fitting tribute |
Luke Varney and David Norris are the latest Pompey
players to be linked with a move to Elland Road as Leeds fans delight in the
delicious irony of plundering another club for players at knock-down prices as
it’s slowly dying on its arse.
On the pitch, United cap a remarkable fixtureless week by
extending their unbeaten run to one week – Vive la Revolution!!
No comments:
Post a Comment