 |
| First pic of the new owner? |
Actually no! Please God (or should that be Allah?) can it
end inside the next 24 hours? This takeover saga has already claimed too many
casualties; too many good people have seen their social lives dissipate, their
sleep patterns destroyed, their sanity pushed to the limits by the seemingly
never-ending speculation. And moreover, when it does end, what will become of the most
serious victims; addicts suddenly deprived of their fix of the emotional
rollercoaster, somehow having to re-assimilate into society?
Whether the symptoms are hangovers, nervous exhaustion or
anxiety linked to withdrawal symptoms, will the announcement when it finally arrives,
spark a wave of absenteeism in the work place… is TOMA fever going to become an
accredited medical condition?
For the sake of everyone this has to end, and it has to end
now; mercifully the learned spirits appear to have been very much in tune with
events at Elland Road and even the YEP have thrown every single egg into the
Middle Eastern takeover basket. Everyone agrees that it’s happening, everyone
agrees that it’s “imminent”, but imminent is non-specific, just somebody, give
us all a date and time already!!
To borrow the title of one of The Smiths’ finest songs…”HOW SOON IS
NOW?”
Monday 25th June
The Leeds United week begins in historic style as the Olympic
torch passes by Elland Road on Monday morning. There was relief all around as
the designated torch bearer, Paula Punnett, arrived with her beaming smile on
her face, as opposed to a chav in a white shell suit, holding aloft a cheap
cigarette lighter.
 |
| Scrap metal passes through Beeston without being stolen |
In an attempt to satisfy demand, the club announce they’ve
secured a further 500 tickets for the pre-season friendly in Torquay…the
decision to schedule the game on a Friday night, during high season is looking
forever more misguided.
The YEP reveals that Neil Warnock is taking one final
holiday before the hard slog of the pre-season preparations begin in earnest.
But as the manager revealed, he won’t be completely getting away from it all:
“We need to push on from here and in the week or 10 days
leading up to July 11th, I’ll be looking to get quite a number of
deals done. I’m getting away for a short break but, to be honest, the hard work
never stops. I couldn’t be working harder on all this…
…Oi, waiter! Where’s that beer I ordered? Dos San Miguels,
gracias! Oh and remember, I want Heinz ketchup with my fish fingers and chips!”
 |
| A doctored picture is worth a thousand words |
Elsewhere, once exciting football
talent-cum-mercenary-cum-morality vacuum, Harry Kewell reveals that he’s
looking to move back to England after spending last season pushing himself/feathering his retirement fund in the competitive environment of the Australian A-League. Having previously
claimed his move to Galatasary was in part a conscious attempt to “build
bridges” between Leeds United and arguably the most despicable football club in
European football, expect the next port of call on his saintly mission to take in Cardiff
or Bermondsey…
Tuesday 26th June
Following weeks of frenzied speculation and allegedly, a
little pressure from LUST, the club finally release a fresh statement,
announcing that they’ve granted a ‘potential investor’ an exclusivity period in
which to carry out a period of due diligence. They also add that they foresaw
no problems with either that, or the Football League’s criteria for fit and
proper persons. On the surface, the statement only confirms for certain that a
minimum of 30% of the club is being bought…but to everyone else, reading between
the lines, IT’S A TAKEOVER!!!!
 |
| Overly vague statement #2 |
Gary Cooper from the Supporter’s Trust confirms as much
again in a Radio Leeds interview, and yet in comparison to the celebrations
sparked by the initial statement, reaction is a little more muted this time,
certainly on WACCOE. It can only be the ‘Bates effect’; after nearly 7 and a
half long years of abuse at the hands of the owner, Leeds fans are finally
being exposed to the glorious hope of sunlight, but all of a sudden they're getting just a little bit cagey.
 |
| The saviour... as a metaphor |
I see it rather like an episode of ‘Animal Hospital’; the
abused Leeds fan, a malnourished dog, the saintly bidder, offering us rescue from
a life of misery and appalling abuse, taking the guise of Rolf Harris. Although
the beaming sun and the promise of a new, better, happier existence has clearly
come into view and the Leeds fans' eyes have now adjusted and re-focused, their
minds are still trying to get to grips with the concept of liberation; currently we find ourselves
at the delousing stage, as LUST and the media move rid us all of our
infestation of insecurities. The metaphorical maximum strength Bob Martin’s shampoo has been
applied, and now we’re just one rinse away from taking our first tentative
steps into a joyous new world…
Elsewhere, the Sky TV conspiracy to deprive Leeds fans of
Saturday afternoon football begins in earnest with the season opener against
Wolves being moved forward to a 12.45pm kick-off, while no doubt South
Yorkshire Police will have been thrilled that the Leeds invasion of Owlerton has now
been re-scheduled for a Friday night.
Wednesday 27th June
As the almost foreign concept of hope and optimism continues
to sweep across supporters in a tidal wave, the club move to make the opening
pre-season game at Farsley Celtic, an all-ticket affair. A £1 booking fee and
advance ticket at least buys supporters time for an extra pint on Town Street before
the game.
 |
| It all starts here... |
The club announce a new partnership with Levy restaurants
for catering at Elland Road. The organisation are revealed to be a chain of the
sport and leisure division of the Compass Group; in turn they are part of the
wider AEG group – speculation immediately hots up again that it’s the Americans
buying the club. I offer up the suggestion on twitter that even Harvey wouldn’t
be stupid enough to publicise the agreement if there was a chance it’d
compromise the confidentiality of the ‘investors’… needless to say, the
responses I received, rather differed on the point.
The YEP reports that Crystal Palace are set to join
Huddersfield and Bristol City in the race to sign Ross McCormack – am I missing
something here? I thought he’d just had a good season?
Thursday 28th June
Another sign that the takeover is all but done as Leeds
announce another commercial deal; suddenly the club is getting an ‘Official
Global Hotel Partner’, yes you read that right, no longer Bewley’s with their
chain of 6 hotels across England and Ireland, now we’re bed partners with the
Intercontinental Group who have Holiday Inns all over the shop… including the
likes of Bahrain, Qatar, North America, France etc. etc…
 |
| #prayforamove |
As the YEP reports the deal to secure the services of Lee
Peltier is almost sealed, the news is not so good for Paul Connolly as it’s revealed that the
previous incumbent of the right-back slot at Elland Road is facing surgery on
his hernia. The YEP describes the development as a blow for Connolly as
interest in him is likely to remain tentative while he works his way back to
full fitness. Most rational readers recoil in shock that there is anything
approaching tentative interest in him in the first place.
Friday 29th June
After teasing Leeds fans with tweets suggesting some serious
developments at Elland Road, Adam Pope delivers the news that the takeover is
all but done and although there are no clues to when an announcement will be
made, it would seem that one is imminent. Back on the show again is LUST’s Gary
Cooper who essentially confirms that all the rumours of Middle East bidders are
true and when asked about the implications for the club he replied… now get
this, read it back, say it back and savour it:
“I do know that this gives all Leeds United fans the opportunity to…
dare to dream”
The YEP were quick to follow suit, suddenly even they were
confidently stating as fact that it was a takeover, it was Middle East money
and it was happening very soon. Predictably Peter Lorimer was excited, but
rather more at pains how Ken Bates’ hard work in re-establishing Leeds United
as a well-run club has made this all possible… After all, where would we be
without the plummeting gates, loss making businesses, the £4m lost in court
cases and the £5m of season ticket money mortgaged against the cost of rebuilding
a stand where half of the executive boxes sit unused? Promoted maybe?
 |
| Merry Christmas, from all at Nottingham Forest... twats! |
The latest swathe of fixtures change at the whim of Sky TV
and the police are announced. There’s the standard early kick-off for the Dog Botherer’s game, moved no doubt to
ensure that all the young offenders could get back home before the security tag
curfew kicks in. Derby and Forest follow suit, the prospect of another early
Boxing Day start, an absolute joy!
On a more positive note, less than 100 tickets remain now
for the Torquay game – in the Leeds end, that is… it’s gonna an interesting night!
I spent my Friday at opening night of The Stone Roses
comeback concert and for those not comfortable with simply relying on the media and
LUST to satisfy their needs to be reassured about the new era at Leeds, then
how about I throw omens into the mix too?
 |
| Reni: Ahead of the curve again |
After years in the music wilderness, The Roses officially announced
their return to the big time today; just as – unofficially at least – Leeds United
may have done; the band were at their very peak around 1989 and 1990,
accumulating in a mass celebration at Spike Island in May… I seem to recall that
coincided with a rather special time at Elland Road too; oh and if anybody
wants to write these omens off, just take a look at what Reni, the catalyst for
the band’s demise and at the forefront of their resurrection was sporting as
head gear…
Case closed m’laud!
Saturday 30th June
A quiet news day on the LUFC front, although it seems now
that Nottingham Forest are on the verge of completing their takeover. Was it really only a few weeks ago that Leeds fans were working themselves into a frenzy
about being owned by a fridge magnate?
 |
| Mr Chairman... |
It’s possible that Fawaz Al-Hasawi will be good for Forest,
although having witnessed his twitter campaign over the past month, I’d suggest
they were welcome to him; a break from such ego driven self-publicists at
Elland would be a most welcome prospect – maybe the Al-Hasawi may be interested
in a loss making radio station?
Sunday 1st July
It’s 12.50pm, it’s a business day in the Middle East, they’re
several hours in front of the UK and there’s absolutely nothing new to speak
of.
F**k me! It’s gotta happen Monday then, it’s just gotta…
F**k me! It’s gotta happen Monday then, it’s just gotta…
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